Lindy West Is Amazing: If I Admit That ‘Hating Men’ Is a Thing, Will You Stop Turning It Into a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy?

I had to share this. It’s amazing.

If I Admit That 'Hating Men' Is a Thing, Will You Stop Turning It Into a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy?.

The entire article is amazing. Amazing. Especially wonderful is part four, the section wherein it’s laid out how feminism is attempting to help men’s issues too.

We don’t hate men. I don’t hate men. I don’t know any women (feminists or not) who talk about hating men. It’s the system that’s under attack. Which affects women and men both.

Speaking of systems, I really loved this section,about privilege.

It’s not easy to swallow your own privilege—to admit that you’re a Fleetch—but once you do, it’s addictive. It feels good to open up to perspectives that are foreign to you, accept your complicity in this shitty system, and work on making the world better for everyone instead of just defending your territory. It’s something I had to do as a privileged white woman, and something I still have to work on every day, because it’s right. That doesn’t make me (or you) a bad person—it makes me an extremely lucky person who was born into a white body in a great family in a vibrant, liberal city in a powerful, wealthy country that implicitly values white bodies over all other bodies. The least I can do is acknowledge the arbitrariness of that luck, and work to tear down the obstacles facing those who are disenfranchised by the insidious fetishization of whiteness. Blanket defensiveness isn’t going to get any of us anywhere.

I have to do this too as a white, middle class, able bodied, cis gendered, heavily educated, presenting straight (though admittedly bisexual) person.

It does not make me a big old jerk to acknowledge where my luck came from or the opportunities I have based on things I had no control over.

It makes me much more of a big old jerk if I deny them, use them to oppress others, while claiming they don’t exist.

Lindy’s already getting nasty comments, which I suppose is to be expected these days.

She’s fantastic though and I really would wish everyone would read it all.



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3 responses to “Lindy West Is Amazing: If I Admit That ‘Hating Men’ Is a Thing, Will You Stop Turning It Into a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy?

  1. Ah yes, condescending attitudes towards male issues and acting as if misandry isn’t actually real because the millions n millions n millions of men that died in war forced to fight against their will was an action of loving men, not misandry.

    “Part Two: Why Claiming that Sexism Isn’t Real Is a Sexist Thing to Say”
    Like claiming misandry isn’t real?

    Let’s see what else there is
    “The difference is, though, that the radfem community on Tumblr does not currently hold the reins of power in every country on earth (even in nations with female heads of state, the political and economic power structures are still dominated by men). ”
    Yet the duluth model exists, which was heavily promoted by some feminists and even influenced the VAWA (correct me if I am wrong), the duluth model being misandrous itself. So yes, some feminists DO hold power and HAVE influenced laws which HAVE resulted in misandry, see the male victims of DV being arrested and being treated as the perpetrator, male victims calling helplines to be confronted with accusations of them being the perp.

    “If you really care about those issues as passionately as you say you do, you should be thanking feminists, because feminism is a social movement actively dedicated to dismantling every single one of them. The fact that you blame feminists—your allies—for problems against which they have been struggling for decades suggests that supporting men isn’t nearly as important to you as resenting women. We care about your problems a lot. Could you try caring about ours?”
    I’ve been on a quest to find 1, single, poster showing a female perpetrator and male victim of rape or domestic violence. Just 1 poster, a single teensy tiny poster when the opposite exists in huge numbers. Where is the major support of men’s issues? The fact that the question “do men belong in feminism” even exists says quite a lot about men and feminism don’t you think?

    “It’s not easy to swallow your own privilege—to admit that you’re a Fleetch—but once you do, it’s addictive. It feels good to open up to perspectives that are foreign to you, accept your complicity in this shitty system, and work on making the world better for everyone instead of just defending your territory.”
    I have seen ooodles of men admit male privilege, yet only a handful of women admit female privilege. To ask others to swallow their own privilege without doing the same is a bit strange don’t you think?

    “To all the men who have had shitty lives and mistake that pain for “misandry”: I totally get it. ”
    Scare quotes to act as if misandry doesn’t exist.

    “So stop trying to convince us that we hate you and I promise we’ll start liking you a whole lot more.”
    When I saw someone say misogyny doesn’t exist, they were accused of being sexist. Is the author not showing sexism for denying misandry’s existence? This article does very little to try prove feminism actually gives a damn about men or that feminism is at all interested in male issues, the condescending tone and dismissal of misandry is pretty disgusting.

    A person who says misandry does not exist is either wilfully ignorant, or worse, a bigot. Misandry clearly exists, and still exists to this day, one gender often is the only one FORCED to give their life up and fight, that is misandry. And seeing how loosely I’ve seen misogyny be described to actions then circumcision is misandry, lack of financial abortion is misandry, extreme lack of support for violence for male victims is misandry.

    I find this article amazing too, it’s amazingly ignorant and does the opposite of what it is trying to accomplish. Why the hell would I want to ally with people who are too blind to understand very simple n basic concepts that yes even men suffer extremely damaging discrimination, hatred AND SYSTEMATIC oppression at times too. To me they are just making a mockery of the term feminism, seems to me they’re just proving gynocentric feminism is the last place a male ally wants to be. Wake me up when the egalitarian feminists write a better article, I’ll give them a hint on how to word it…..don’t deny misandry’s existence when not thousands but MILLIONS of men were FORCED into war, and many million DIED in a war they had no choice but to fight with the threat of jailtime or being killed to force them into it. To this day in the U.S men still have to sign up for selective service or face fines, jailtime, and denied access to government funding. Genital mutilation of infant boys is carried out very regularly for no decent reason, boys that cannot say no, boys who’s body autonomy has been violated in an extreme manner in their first year of life. Try do a similar surgery on infant girls and the doctor gets jailtime.

  2. And of course being Jezebel the comments are a goldmine of ignorance n bigotry.

    ht tp://
    “MissKittyLady 1 of 3 replies @odette1 19 hours ago
    Why do these idiotic MRAs talk about women raping men? I’ve never heard of that – unless they’re referring to forcible sodomy with a foreign object (and I’ve never heard of any woman doing that to a man against his will; I suppose that could happen, but it would be pretty rare, I would think). Just another example of MRAs acting like the jerks they are. ”
    Dismissal of male rape. Is “she?” a troll? Sticking to the rape being penetration alone and not envelopment? Then she follows up with a bigoted generalization about MRA’s. Hands up who has seen a feminist get very annoyed when MRA’s generalize about feminism? Hell the article does it, yet here we go with the comment section having plennnttyyy of generalizations about MRA’s in a bigoted manner. does far more harm than good to feminism’s reputation, the rampant bigotry in the comment sections alone is pretty sad. Not to mention the site’s pretty terrible article on beating up their bf’s. I’m pretty shocked most feminists even bother reading Jezebel, that place stirs up a hugeeee amount of animosity towards feminism. Is there an article on this subject that is less Jezebel and more level-headed and not trying to piss off people who read it who actually understand that dismissing misandry is a bad fucking idea if your goal is to try gain male supporters? I suppose an MRA could write an article dismissing misogyny asking for more women to care about male issues in an article that doesn’t really show much care towards acknowledging the harm done to women, I’m sure that will go down well.

  3. If you mentally overlook the generalizations, Toysoldiers has a pretty good rundown of why that article is pretty bad.

    Best comment I’ve read on it is…
    “” Are you happy now? Is this what you wanted? Feminism is, in essence, a social justice movement—it wants to take the side of the alienated and the marginalized, and that includes alienated and marginalized men. Please stop turning us against you.”

    Why do you make me hit you, honey? Why do you make me do this to you?”

    Maybe anti-feminists should ask why do feminists make them hate them? That’d be fair right?

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