I’m not a fan of Valentine’s Day for the most part. My major early childhood memories of it were of disappointment, something I suspect a lot of people experienced. Middle and High School were holidays filled with dread mostly as Val O Grams were passed out to the popular, the pretty, the status winners. There is an expectation inherent in the romantic narrative that the one you adore will adore you back and send tokens of that love, and to a 15 year old, who didn’t seem to inspire such romantic frenzy in the boys or girls around her (or if she did, they didn’t act on it), that expectation was usually pretty underwhelming in it’s realization.
Also, it’s about spending money yes? On pink and red items, balloons, flowers, cards. Nice tokens, but ones that fade, die, get lost in time. All on one particular day, with companies laughing all the way to the bank. People get disappointed if their love needs aren’t met.
So I suspect there are lots of people today wishing for that bouquet to come, knowing it won’t, rationalizing why it’s not important, and missing a big point about love.
We all want to be seen. Love means being seen in another’s eyes in the best possible way. It means finding moments of connection in a solitary body, bodies perhaps always separated from the life force save a drop keeping us going.
Merging into an ocean of bliss is unlikely, but falling in love seems possible so we seek it.
Jim Rigby has a fine post up (which I’ve linked below) about dissolving into the biggest love of all, and that could seem trite or over-soothing, but there is something to it. We are all trapped in these little bodies yes, with our issues and dramas and pains and histories. We often get in our own way when it comes to love and connection, at least I know I have.
Why not offer love up every where you go, shining affection and respect back at people who may or may not be needing it that day? Perhaps if we could each be Valentine’s to each other every day, in small moments-in the middle of fights, when we ourselves feel lonely and misunderstood, when we point out a beautiful sight to a stranger…maybe we’d feel more connected to love over all, experiencing ourselves as the lover, loving all rather than waiting to have love proved to us.
It’s a thought anyway. Life hands us enough pain, why not allow love to balm it as it comes?