Winter

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“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

This is a quote from Marianne Williamson, A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles.

I do not “do” spirituality. Except that I do. I’m finding more and more that I do actually do spirituality. This is a hard thing to accept and I have fought it for years. I left the Christian tradition years ago, not because the Christ story didn’t resonate with me. Indeed, I remember weeping as a ten year old over the idea that one human being could love so many other human beings SO MUCH, that they’d be willing to die for them. Hell, one of my earliest recurring dreams was about stopping the public execution of Richard Nixon. I know.

I left because the church, like pretty much every other human institution, prone to bullshit, corruption, power games and a desire to dominate. Anything. Money, people, kids, structures, systems. So yeah, the church is a turn off.

But, and perhaps I just have a strongly wired God Gene, I have always feel that there is…something. Something that is a connector-stories, stage, relationships, sex, union, death.

Sex and death. Stories and stage. I suppose those are the four pillars of my church, huh?

Which is a stunning realization for me, over this holiday break. This is why I write. This is why I perform. This is why I advocate for pleasure and sexuality and rights pertaining to same. This is why I am so touched by death. This is why I don’t want to play small anymore, yes? Because that serves no one. And if I am to be a chalice of some sort, a candle and a mirror, then I want to be the best one I can possibly be. To deny that calling would be the closest thing to sin I can think of.

What are you to do? Who are you to be? And what light are you going to shine to lead the way? What brilliant, gorgeous creature are you going to be?

____

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